Attending My First Nepali Christian Wedding

When Ambika invited me (Wendy) to go to a Nepali Christian wedding with her, I was excited, but not sure what to expect. I imagined there would be both similarities and differences from what I am accustomed to in America, and I was right.

My first question was what should I wear? Did I need to buy a sari (the traditional Nepali dress) or would a kurta (the traditional Nepali pants, long shirt and scarf) be okay? Ambika said either would be fine, and offered to let me wear something of hers, which I happily accepted.

The day of the wedding arrived, and as promised Ambika loaned me a beautiful red and black kurta. I was told the wedding would start at 2pm and probably be over by 5:00 or 5:30pm. Since we live about 10 minutes from the church, we didn't need to leave too early, but as 1:50pm came and went, I began to get anxious. I am typically a very punctual person, especially to something like a wedding, so I went to check on Ambika who was still getting ready.

Slightly frusterated, but trying not to worry too much, I went back downstairs to our flat to wait for her. Sam asked what time the wedding started. I told him 2:00, and we both laughed since it was now after 2:00. We reminded each other (only half joking) that this was a Nepali wedding after all, so of course no one would be there are 2:00. The guests would probably show up at 3:00, the groom at 4:00 and maybe the bride would be there by 5:30!

While this may sound obsurd to many of you (and Sam and I were exaggerating about the bride and grrom showing up late) there is actually a lot of truth and reasoning behind what seems rude to most Americans. In America, we tend to be about productivity, punctuality, "time is money" and so forth. In Nepal, they tend to be more event-oriented.

For example, our kitchen needed a faucet before we moved in, so Sam and I went to several different faucet shops. We would explain the kind we were looking for, and even if they didn't have it, they would often offer us a cup of hot tea. Nevermind that we needed to keep shopping, preferably at a shop that had what we needed. It is not about our to-do list or our productivity, it is about taking/ making time for people. It's hard to get used to when you are used to being time oriented. It's even annoying at first, then humbling and if you are lucky, eventually you realize maybe it's not so absurd after all. In fact, isn't that a lot of what Jesus did; take/ make time for people? As we've continued to discover, we have so much to learn here.

Back to the day of the wedding, though. I checked in on Ambika a few more times (it was about 2:20 by this time), and that's when she told me not to worry, because she heard the wedding had not actually started at 2:00. Of course it didn't. This is Nepal, and I love it here!

We finally got to the wedding at about 2:30 or maybe later, although by now I had stopped checking the clock. We took our shoes off, as is the custom in Nepal, and as we went inside the church we were handed a wedding program written in Devanagari script, which Sam and I have just started learning, so I couln't read it at the time, but hopefully I'll be able to very soon! A small fake rose was also pinned to each of us.

There were already quite a few people there, and Ambika let me know that they were introducing the groom's father, his mother and the bride's uncle, because she is an orphan (she grew up in an orphanage), and he was her closest living relative. The men sat mostly in the front (although some who came in later sat near the back), the women sat mostly in back (including the groom's mother) and everyone, except the bride, groom, best man, maid of honor and the pastor, sat on the floor. The pastor stands, and the bride and groom sit on a sofa facing everyone, along with their best man and maid of honor.

I also noticed that the bride kept her head bowed for the entire ceremony, which Ambika told me is the custom here. Also, the bride was very serious throughout the whole ceremony, including a few times when the pastor had obviously made a joke and everyone else laughed, including the groom. Each time Ambika translated for me, and it never seemed like something that the bride would not find humorous, so I finally asked Ambika, and she said that both the bride and groom are supposed to remain very serious for the whole ceremony as a sign that they are taking it seriously, so even though they were probably both very happy and excited, showing that would appear disrespectful.

That brought up a new question in my mind. I know that many Nepali marriages are still arranged, but I wasn't sure about Nepali Christian marriages. Ambika informed me that the bride and groom had known each other a long time and that they chose to get married, but they still had to get permission from their parents (or in this case just his parents since she is an orphan) and the church. If the parents or the church objected, then they could not get married.

Also, typically they would get married at the bride's church, but in this case they had to get married at the groom's church because the bride's church rents their building and there were some issues with the landlord. Even more surprising to me, although I guess it shouldn't have been, was that Christian marriages are not recognized by the government of Nepal. The couple simply receives a certificate from the church. I figured this had been the case back when the country was a Hindu nation, but I just assumed it had changed now that Nepal is a secular nation, een though most of the people are still Hindu. Apparently not.

As for the similarities of the wedding, from what Ambika translated, most of the ceremony is much like a Christian wedding in America with the pastor speaking to the couple about marriage, quoting some Bible verses and the exchange of vows and rings, as well as the couple each taking separate white candles and together lighting a larger red candle. There is no "You may kiss the bride" though, because kissing in public is still taboo in Nepal. Instead, the pastor simply announces when the couple is husband and wife.

There is also wedding cake just like in America, and the bride and groom leave for just a few minutes after the ceremony to go cut the cake, but then immediately come back to the wedding pulpit/ couch area to take pictures and spend time with guests while the everyone else makes their way to the reception area to eat a meal of dhal bhat (lentils and rice), curried vegetables and meat followed by a very small piece of the cake placed on a plate with plain yogurt.

After eating and talking with several of the guests, it was time to leave. Surprisingly it was about 5:30pm as Ambika had told me, which was a pleasant surprise, although I had to bite my tongue to keep from laughing out loud as we got to the road and several people were just arriving!